4/16/2014

TOMORROW IT BEGINS

The days lately have gone by so fast, they literally have blurred into one another.   Except for the few minutes before I fall asleep, I've had little time to be sad or think about the enormity of this move.  The rooms are mostly empty now, and all the marks of our years here are shining bright, taking me back through fifteen wonderful years.  If I stand in the middle of the room and close my eyes, I can hear us, I can see us.  Little boys are now grown and Chad and I are alone together again.
 
It was one year ago this week that I was at the farm with my father and Chad called to tell me he had been offered a job.   Tomorrow, as I drive away from the only home I've known, leaving my son and lifelong friends behind, I will probably understand better what this year has really been about. 

the last blooms picked from my garden. 

4/08/2014

THE BIRD'S SONG

I love these days when the grass sparkles with the morning dew and the birds bathe in the cool wetness.  I watch them from the porch as they whistle to each other and sing their happy spring songs.  April's been very strange so far...frost one day, flip flops the next and overnight the neighborhood has exploded in green.  It's exciting to see people out again, waving to you from their gardens or nodding a hello as they rake up what's left of last fall.  There's a special energy these first few weeks of spring.  Everything about it feels good.  I hope you feel it too. 
 
There's a different kind of energy flowing inside....gather, sort, wrap, pack.  gather, sort, wrap, pack.  Chad's coming home on Thursday, but if I want to be in charge of things on my end here, I need to have it all done before Thursday.  So, things are packed up tidy in the flower boxes I scrounge from the dumpster and getting from the living room through the dining room to the kitchen is like playing a game of twister.   Everything is so out of sorts and jumbled and different, but strangely, I feel calm.
 
I think it's from the happy songs of the birds.

4/01/2014

THE FINISH LINE

We are so close now. I do believe I can see the finish line. I've been reserved on saying those words and a little skeptical that this move would actually happen. But today, on this first day of a bright new month, with the sun shining warm, tulips peeking through the ground and the sound of the children next door, trying to get their toys that were carried into my yard by the fresh April wind, I feel the pull to get there.  A warm spring morning makes me feel like I can conquer the world.  So many things have pleasantly fallen right into place and unanswered prayers are coming true, although not in the ways I expected, but answered none the less.   We are so eager to discover what's ahead of us, that I'm sure what we leave behind will eventually seem so incredibly worth it.
 



 This week has been a gifted one, pleasant and rich in every way.  Many times I have folded my hands and whispered thank you.   
Happy April 1st.  xo

3/25/2014

KEEPING BUSY

Did I ever mention that I was a realtor for many years?   I was, and as I look back now, I'm almost certain that I didn't have enough empathy for my clients.  I don't remember ever thinking about it being personal to them or how they felt.  I concentrated on deadlines, contracts, numbers...all that rolled into a paycheck for me. and once we said our goodbyes, their excitement or their grief was theirs alone.  I could easily shake their hands, leave them at the doorway and move on.  None of it was personal, it was just business. 

But now it's very personal, for me. and this past week was a messy one.  It was muddled with a mix of giving in and standing firm, making sure we do nothing that could send us back to square one.  Our godsend of a buyer has turned into a real bully and it seems like everyday we give and give more.  all just to finally start what we really started almost one year ago.  It's been very overwhelming to both of us, and how I wish just one of my clients would have looked me in the eye and told me how overwhelming it was for them.  

But things are progressing and my days are overflowing with so many to-do's.  April 16 might as well be tomorrow, and I'm finding that if my days aren't followed exactly like my planner says,  I feel the extra weight on my shoulders.  But just a little longer and then the real fun begins. I say that to myself many times a day.  and it works....it really does.   

3/10/2014

MORE DECISIONS

Just when you think you can't take one more chilly gray day, the clock turns and the sun shines warm long after dinner.  Little gusts of early spring wind made the weekend even better.  I opened the windows and let the fresh air breathe new life into the rooms, blowing the staleness of winter out.  It was a kind teaser to warmer, more colorful days that are just around the corner.
 
Mostly I enjoyed it from my front porch this weekend. I find it very relaxing there, and if I get distracted, it's usually by dogs and neighbors, and the wind....the wind that could almost lull me to sleep if I closed my eyes.





I'm going through some strange denial-unsettled-excitement right now, a mix of taming wanderlust and fear of change. Saturday afternoon, I had the strongest desire to sew new curtains for the kitchen, and last night, I found myself rearranging furniture in my bedroom. Almost like I forgot, but knowing full well I didn't. We had a request from the buyers that I can't stop thinking about, so I'm redirecting that fussy energy to sewing, cooking and fluffing.

The buyers have asked to purchase everything in the house.  (almost everything)
 
So I've asked myself....How willing am I to let someone else step right into what I've created here the past fifteen years? How much is the perfect chance to start completely new worth to me?

Big questions for a warm pretty day, and I don't have clue yet what to do. It will probably take more days on the porch to figure it out.


I hope the sun is shining warm and bright wherever you are.  xo

3/04/2014

What We've Hoped For

I always seem to be at a loss for words at the most poignant times in my life.  So easily they flow straight from my heart during the ups and downs of the journey, but when the time comes for me to finally exhale and let it all out, I find myself searching and reaching for what to say. 
 
It is 10:30 at night, past my normal bed-time and I have just wrapped up a fast and furious week, a schedule I'm not used to, nor do I like. But when you're selling your house, you are always on someone else's schedule. Lunches and dinners were a chunk of homemade bread and fruit grabbed on the run and eaten in the car.
 
Perhaps it was timing, all my prayers or even a fresh start granted with the soon arrival of spring...perhaps it was a mix of all these things that lead us to this evening. I know I should be excited, and I am ...really... but it's a little bittersweet as well . . . that we found a buyer for our house today!  Eight long months is about to come to a close, a chapter in itself.  On to new things and different places....I guess we really are going!
 
What started out as a plan to be near my parents, especially when my father was ill, has evolved into so much more. I'm leaving Nebraska and going to Georgia.  Until last year I never saw that coming.
 
Thank you so much for listening to my endless (I'm sure it seemed) drama about my house not selling and missing Chad so.  and thank you for all your wishes and prayers too!    

2/23/2014

Snapshots of Today . . . Look Back With Me

It's Sunday night, another weekend checked off the calendar.  The wind is finally calm, but it's so cold.  The streetlight across the road is out and the little lamp on the far table is casting a faded glow, hardly bright enough for me to type by, yet I'm too comfortable to move. 
 
Many many thoughts have been going through my mind as I've sat here. Good, and bad ones too, seem to be in their own race, competing to win my fullest attention.  Some of the bad ones I've been throwing around for months and honestly, am tired of them. Someone told me other day that, they're not bad things, it's just life.  Yes, it is just life.  And then I felt sillier and more ungrateful than I can ever remember.         
 
And I've thought about all the extremely wonderful blessings that I have and sometimes forget to notice. Such as good friends who keep me occupied on the weekends because those are the days that are too quiet and sometimes too long.   
 
Today, he and I stood at the bottom of a hill along a crazy loud busy street, tilted our heads back and looked up at a house that soon will crumble to the ground. It too has been forgotten and it's scars are rotting and caving in.   
 
It's a shell of once was. It made no sense.  There were still dishes in the pantry and clothes on hangers. Like someone wanted to forget it all, walked out and didn't look back.  It was sad and eerie confusing and beautiful, but there was no sense to it. 
 
except that, it's just life. 
 
dear friends, happy new week.  xx 

2/19/2014

Ready Set Go

The sun is brilliant today, it's high and bright and warm. It's the kind of day where all of us true mid-westerners put on flip flops and dodge the puddles of melting snow. Between the car washes and raking I've seen, it feels like a Saturday in June.

 
I woke up today to a new for sale sign in the yard. He must have put it up in the wee hours of the morning, wasting no time, which makes me happy.  Although, I've prepared myself again for the exhaustion and frustration that accompanies that sign. We'll go back to being guests in our own home while we wait for that one right person to visit.  It's all I can do, yes?
 
The rooms have been rearranged, floors are shining, flowers dress each room, tables are set and we are ready to go. The house selling game is back on.  If I were a gambling girl I would bet one more month...wanna bet?